The Sands of Time Episode Three

Episode Three

Rex Announces His Plans

ANNOUNCER
"Hello, and welcome to The Sands of Time, your weekly radio program, featuring the adventures and romantic exploits of radio's favorite family, The Purehearts. We begin today's episode in one of the cavernous hallways of the Pureheart Mansion, where Richard Pureheart, patriach of the Pureheart family, is hopelessly lost in his own home."

RICHARD
"I was certain I left a trail of bread crumbs around here somewhere…"

REX
"Psst…"

RICHARD
"What's that?"

REX
"Over here, Mr. Pureheart. In the linen closet."

RICHARD
"Rex? Is that you? I thought you'd left. We weren't expecting you until dinnertime."

REX
"Shhh…I don't want Polly to know I'm here."

RICHARD
"All right."

REX
"Could I speak to you for a moment, Mr. Pureheart?"

RICHARD
"I suppose…"

REX
"In the closet, please. So that no one sees us."

RICHARD
"Very well."

FX: DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING.

RICHARD
"There we are."

REX
"Yes."

RICHARD
"My, it's quite dark in here."

REX
"We'll just have to live with that, Mr. Pureheart. I was in another closet earlier and I tried to light a match."

RICHARD
"That explains the fire trucks outside."

REX
"I'm afraid so. Sorry about that."

RICHARD
"No problem, Rex. Who needs the West Wing anyway? What's on your mind?"

REX
"It's about tonight, Mr. Pureheart. I have something I need to ask you."

RICHARD
"Ask away, old boy."

REX
"It's actually about Polly."

RICHARD
"I'm afraid some of the best doctors and psychiatrists in the world don't have any answers about Polly, so I'm not sure I can help you."

REX
"Actually, Mr. Pureheart, what I'm looking for is—"

RICHARD
"Oh, goodness…"

REX
(confused)
"What is it?"

RICHARD
"Excuse me, Rex. Dreadfully sorry."

REX
"Sorry about what?"

RICHARD
"You'll find out in a moment."

Pause.

REX
"Is that your cologne, Mr. Pureheart?"

RICHARD
"No."

REX
"I see. Anyway, back to Polly. Polly and I have been seeing each other for some time now."

RICHARD
"Since you were just little tikes. Oh, I remember watching you two play in the sandbox. She used to beat you senseless with that little shovel."

REX
(fondly)
"Yes, I remember it well. And I'd like to be able to have her do something like that to me again. You see, Mr. Pureheart, I was hoping that, tonight, I might be able to ask Polly to marry me."

RICHARD
"Marry you?"

REX
"That's right, sir. I'd like your permission to take Polly's hand in marriage."

RICHARD
(horrified)
"Just the hand?"

REX
"Well, no, sir, and the rest of her, too…"

RICHARD
(relieved)
"Oh, excellent." (slight laugh). "I was a little worried. Because how on earth could I possibly get rid of the rest of her? It's been hard enough to get her out of the house when she's all in one piece, for crying out loud."

REX
"I'll take all of her, sir."

RICHARD
"No refunds…"

REX
"I don't think that'll be necessary."

RICHARD
"Then you absolutely have my blessing, Rex. I'm sure you two will be very happy together."

REX
"I'm sure we will, too, Mr. Pureheart. However, if we could just take a minute, and clarify what you mean when you say "No" refunds…"

ANNOUNCER
"Will Polly accept Rex's proposal of marriage? How will Richard feel having Rex as a son-in-law? How will the towels in the linen closet smell now? Tune in next week for another grain of the Sands of Time and thank you for listening."