The Sands of Time Episode One

Episode One:
Rex Returns

ANNOUNCER
"Hello, and welcome to The Sands of Time, your weekly radio program, featuring the adventures and romantic exploits of radio’s favorite family, the Purehearts. We begin today’s episode in the fabulous Pureheart Mansion, a residence with 256 rooms, three swimming pools, eight Jacuzzis, and a foosball table. At this very moment, in the foyer of this architectural masterpiece, Richard Pureheart, and his daughter, Polly Pureheart, are anxiously awaiting the return of a close family friend."

POLLY
"Oh, Daddy! I’m so excited. It’s been so long since I’ve seen him. I can barely contain myself."

RICHARD
"Well…Please try, my dear. Think of how embarrassing it would be if Rex arrived only to find you’d wet yourself again."

POLLY
"I know, Daddy, but every time I see him I just feel like tinkling! That strong jaw, those piercing blue eyes, those big, manly shoulders…"

RICHARD
"Rex doesn’t look anything like that, dear."

POLLY
"I know, but wouldn’t it be great if he did?"

FX: Doorbell.

POLLY
"It’s him! It’s him!"

RICHARD
"I know, I know. I’ll get the door, you bear down on your abdominals. Let’s see if we can get through this without the wet mop."

FX: Door opening.

REX
"Hello everyone!"

RICHARD
and
POLLY
"Hello, Rex!"

REX
"Mr. Pureheart, you’re looking well."

RICHARD
"Not as well as you, Rex."

REX
"Well, of course not, but at least you’re trying. And you, Polly, you’re looking very…"

FX: Trickling water.

REX
"Moist."

POLLY
"I drink a lot of water."

REX
"I can’t tell you how happy I am to be back."

RICHARD
"And we certainly are glad to have you back. It’s been awfully dull around here since you went away."

POLLY
"Daddy’s right! I haven’t been kidnapped or put in dire physical danger hardly at all! Except for that one time I accidentally got stuck in the dishwasher, but I don’t think we can count that, can we, Daddy?"

RICHARD
"Let’s not."

REX
"Well, I expect that things are bound to heat up again now that I’m back on the scene. Adventure follows me, you know…in the same way that flatulence follows a moose."

POLLY
"Speaking of flatulence…"

RICHARD
(interrupting)
"Let me cut your thought short, Polly, so I can take this opportunity to invite Rex to dinner."

REX
"Absolutely, Mr. Pureheart. I wouldn’t miss it for the world."

RICHARD
"Great. You can fill us in on the adventures you’ve had these past few months, we’ll have some fine cuisine, and I can use the occasion as an excuse to get blind drunk again."

REX
"That sounds like a blast, Mr. Pureheart. I’ll be there with bells on."

POLLY
"Oh, don’t wear the bells again, Rex. Wear your nice sports jacket. The plaid one."

REX
"Plaid it is, my sweet."

POLLY
"And since it sounds like a party, would you mind if I invited a few friends?"

REX
"Not at all. The more the merrier. In fact, invite as many people as you want. A night as special as this one should be celebrated with a lot of people. A lot people, a lot of booze, and impromptu vomiting."

RICHARD
"Well, the butler will be cooking this evening, so the vomiting won’t be a problem."

POLLY
"I never have a problem vomiting."

RICHARD
"Let’s try and keep some information to ourselves, shall we, Polly?"

REX
"So what time’s dinner, Mr. Pureheart?"

RICHARD
"About six-ish?"

REX
"Great. I’ll be here in plaid. And I’ve got a big surprise for everyone. Especially you, Polly."

POLLY
"Especially me?"

REX
"Oh yes."

POLLY
"Ohhhh…"

FX: SOUND OF TINKLING WATER.

REX
"I think I’ll leave on that note."

RICHARD
"Good idea, Rex. You don’t want to ruin those nice shoes."

REX
"See you at six."

FX: DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING.

POLLY
"Oh, Daddy! He’s so dreamy."

RICHARD
"I know, dear, I know. Come now, and let’s invite your friends to dinner. Watch you don’t slip."

ANNOUNCER
"What is Rex's big surprise? What friends will Polly invite to dinner? Will Polly slip on the fruits of her own excitement? Tune in next week for another grain of the Sands of Time, and thank you for listening."