The Funky Mustache

You can only hear them here: The Funky Mustache, Pink Productions' very own house band. Some offices have elevator music, some prefer KLite 96.8, we've got a guitar band shoved in a cubicle by the water cooler.

They may only know three chords and two songs, but we're betting they're going to make it big one day. Unfortunately, from what we've heard, the early studio masters are devoid of anything resembling music, and most of the audio clips below only feature the band talking to each other. Still, we have faith. Maybe they'll turn out something we can sell. We hope so, anyway. Because we have to keep buying them lunch until they start making money on their own.

You need RealPlayer to hear these clips, and you can get RealPlayer 7 Basic for free here. RealPlayer Plus costs money, so you may have to look carefully for the link to the free version. Don't get us wrong, if you want to buy the advanced version, go right ahead. If, on the other hand, money's tight, you might be better off spending your cash on something that matters, like a copy of the Pink Productions novel The Reluctant Prophet.

Songs
The secret to musical success simplified.

SANTA
Make the most of the holidays.

HALLOWEEN
Learn what fear is.

CAT BOX
The sweet scent of love.

The Rhythm Never Stops
Innovation. Convenience. Dampness. Three words to describe what this band is all about.

FISH YOU THROW BACK JAM/TOUGH GUY
A recording once thought to be lost. Unfortunately, now found. Includes music, which is unusual.

DONUT
Aired on WRPI, Troy, January 3rd. Some mild confusion and leftover pastries in the control room.

UGLY PEOPLE
Some people have an unfair advantage.

MUSIC THEORY
There's always more to learn.

HOT WHEELS
Righty tighty, lefty loosey.

EATING OUT
The culinary pleasures of the Food Court.

ONION BLUES
Love has its limits.

THE WAY
Snatch the pebble from my hand, grasshopper.

CROSSROADS
Do whatever it takes.

Highly recommended.

Essay
by the stache
Why We Believe Ricky Martin is the Antichrist