Tales in Hot Pink is a weekly column by our fearless leader. Like all management, he is not required to tell the truth, represent himself accurately, or trouble himself with reality in any way. And, in keeping with our corporate style, he is not bound by good taste or specific subject, so he may ramble wildly from topic to topic. As his employees, we encourage this, because the day is long and we are frequently bored.
|
Urinal Methodology and Practice
In today's tight labor market, finding and obtaining quality employees can often be a difficult and arduous task. While a focused, professional interview can help identify capable candidates, the modern employer needs a competitive edge to definitively identify quality interviewees from quality employees. Urinal Methodology and Practice: Using Stance to Identify Potential is the new business volume from Pink Productions. A professional reference in the style of Seven Habits of Highly Successful People and The One-Minute Manager, Urinal Methodology can help your company quickly determine which employees are worth hiring and which are better off working for the competition. Learn how to:
Utilize powerful charts and graphs to estimate the value of your employees, potential and existing. Spot troublesome employees by gauging stream and color. And equip your sales staff with the powerful tools that will help them close the sale before the shake. Urinal Methodology and Practice can help your company maximize profits and maintain an exceptional workforce using simple, basic tenets that are easy to understand and even easier to implement. If you aren't using Urinal Methodology, then your company might go down the drain.
Here's what some of the experts have to say*:
"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals." Winston Churchill
"Men are born ignorant, not stupid. They are made stupid by education." Bertrand Russell
"There ought to be limits to freedom." George W. Bush Jr.
*(comments are not necessarily related to the sum or substance of Urinal Methodology and Practice)
An excerpt from the book:
"An individual can quickly be categorized by identifying which style of urination he utilizes. There are three major forms. There is the No Handed Technique, in which the individual merely stares at the wall, hands on the hips, while the relieving takes place. This type of individual frequently has no vested interest in the outcome of a company, and cannot be relied on as a team player. He will only do what is asked, and will not overachieve. The One Handed Technique, in which the urinater utilizes only one hand, is a very casual and relaxed stance, the style most often preferred by high sales performers and middle management. The position is confident, some detractors describe it as too confident, but most experts in the field agree this type of person can frequently be relied on as a consistent and valuable performer. However, the posture most in demand is the Two Handed Style. The head is bowed humbly, signifying a sense of respect for others, but both hands are used for maximum control, as if the individual may lose control of his massive manhood at any moment and spray waste water indiscriminately and uncontrollably. A word to the wise manager: this is the Stance of Success."
Learn what the best already know. Add more tools to your human resource arsenal. And most importantly, don't get caught with your pants down. Put the Power of Pee to work for you!
|
||
| A collection of more diseased madness below. Check
out a few, and then buy The Reluctant
Prophet. We won't tell
anyone what you spent your grocery money on. No one needs to
know. We can keep it just between us.
|
||
|
E-mail feedback, jokes or nekkid pickchures to Tom at: |
